29 Jul 2013 - sometimes i make things up

Dear Diary,

Today I looked up engagement rings and ate an excessively inappropriate amount of carbohydrates. The Internet told me to beat a sore throat by gargling whiskey so here I sit cradling a bottle close to my chest as I stare at a beautiful girl on the teevee. She's good at eye contact.  I'm working on that.

The last time I had bronchitis I quit smoking so I could heal. But the cough persisted until I finally got tired of being a quitter and decided to fuck it and smoke one of my coworker's menthols. I also fucked him and smoked his menthol but that's another story.  The cough went away after that. The shame didn't.

I've been trying so hard to come up with beautiful ways to reframe all these not-so-beautiful things. I think I've forgotten what truth means and now nothing is real unless I think of it in the abstract.

Or at least, 'Isn't it pretty to think so?'

I did a lot of drugs today and now I'm afraid to fall asleep

love
me

happy valenstine's

Wandering hearts in hidden pockets

Relentlessly reaching to find
 

One spirit in-kind

One similar mind

One beat in sync

One piece to link

Kindred.

We are the ones who still believe in magic

The space cadets,

the meanderers

We see in feeling and feel in color

Throughout the world we find the others

And amplify our signal

Of Life and Love

YOLO

Should I be more concerned about crossing that line?

Show some restraint

While my love is blind 

When I hear

In my ear

that deep sharp inhale--

You gasping for air

Your composure derailed

How would it be wrong when what we want feels real?

For a night or forever-

I can see that you're clever,
So can you really tell me, in being together

Is Time really the measure for what we endeavor?

Why does Time add value to the things we treasure?

Mm, maybe that's why

I am still feelin' fine

though I can't see that line

That people design

I can understand why, because hearts fall apart

But for now, I don't mind..

'Cause I feel as I feel

Like I did before

Sometimes less may mean less though it may sometimes mean more

I can't tell you the time it'll take me to live,

But I know what I give

And I'll believe what I'll get

Will be ONE HUNDRED ELEVEN times well spent.

In a dose or a session,
in periodic confession

I'll take it all.

Because remember?
you told me,

Time doesn't exist..

At least not in heaven

whackadoodle.

inane
insane
the virility,
our ability
turning profound to profane
net it, regret it
edit, forget it

Ingratiated
insatiated
regurgitated
intentions
in tension
try to place blame
attempts to lay claim
on Beauty, on Love
push comes to shove
everyone's the same

A Draft from 07/10/12 - #happybirthdaystine

Subject: What else..

there are:

things to do
people to meet
places to find
lessons to discover

sights to amaze
emotions to capture
moments to witness
memories to laugh over

dreams to be found
thoughts to be held
ideas to remember
seasons to be felt

words to hear
hearts to feel
melodies to create
songs to heal

dishes to taste
companions to embrace
lives to share
loves to encounter

twenty four years
like twenty four hours

i wonder what's in store for tomorrow
hey you know, it feels like i just got born


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[*Got the phrase 'just got born' from http://justgotborn.tumblr.com/ ala Autostraddle!]