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"I used to walk down the street like I was a fucking star... I want people to walk around delusional about how great they can be - and then to fight so hard for it every day that the lie becomes the truth." - Lady GagaA lot of people have been asking me what made me go for it, to actually cut my hair. I usually answer with how I felt it was time for a change or that I donated 10 inches to Locks of Love. And while those are legit responses, the new 'do has seriously been a long time coming. I've wanted to for so long but never did anything about it. And the truth of the matter is, I got the final boost I needed because Gaga made me brave.
I don't want it to sound like cutting off my hair is some big emotional ordeal because it wasn't, no sweat. The magical thing about hair is that -Surprise!- it grows back. I've never been one to freak out about that. What it IS indicative of, though, is this bigger picture where I finally feel free enough to start learning how to embrace who I am, who I could be.
It's sad that the steps I take to be more myself should cause such unease in others. Really though, your discomfort stems from an irrational place and frankly, the energy you put into it is entirely unnecessary. I'm sorry if who I am makes you feel awkward, but why is your convenience worth the cost of my well-being?
More and more, I'm realizing that the distinction between truth and lie is a subjective one. And because I can no longer rely on that line, I am seeing just how important it is to find my own set of truths. When they are mine, I can believe them. In the dark, I can recognize them and I will know where I stand. It's crazy that I didn't know this. I knew it but I didn't know it. Like in the biblical sense. But this reflection wasn't meant to be on the Word of God.
Today, I want to explore the Word of Gaga.
So, 'know,' like in the sense that Gaga meant it,
"When you make music or write or create, it's really your job to have mind-blowing, irresponsible, condomless sex with whatever idea it is you're writing about at the time."Lady Gaga's been likened to a modern-day Trickster. Similarly, in the Manifesto of Little Monsters, she relegates herself to the role of the Jester. Yes and yes but as far as archetypes go, I can't help but think of how much Gaga is a modern-day Jesus.
"I just I felt like a freak. I guess what I'm trying to say is I want to liberate them, I want to free them of their fears and make them feel that they can create their own space in the world."As I understand it, historical Jesus must have commanded a great presence to have been able to inspire such intense affect in people that they would give up everything at his simple call to "Follow me [him]." That same mesmerizing, bigger-than-anything-we-know kind of presence was what elevated Jesus from man to movement and it is the same presence that I feel emanating from Gaga, stirring the hearts of all the Little Monsters, transfiguring art into revolution and it is that very same presence which I have found myself unwittingly yet profoundly affected by.
But I think, of all the crazy things regarding my current fixation of Gaga as Redeemer, even more bewildering than being utterly intoxicated with and irresistibly drawn to the works and vision of just another mere mortal is that little ittybitty part where I believe her.
"...I want the deepest, darkest, sickest parts of you that you are afraid to share with anyone because I love you that much."I don't have any special insights about her or what may or may not be her "true agenda," but I see that and I believe it. What is faith other than unwavering trust in the face of the unknown?
She says to Be Not Afraid and I am emboldened. Though I may walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil because she's already been there and made it her bitch. Her rod and her
The irony of considering Gaga as my own sort of personal Jesus has not escaped me. Gaga's iconography is rife with the occult and with this I have without a doubt ventured into Worshipping-False-Idols territory that the First Commandment was all "You shalt not" about. But the world 2000 years ago is just not the same one I live in today and God help me that she is just so damn relevant.
"It is in the theory of perception that we have established our bond, or the lie I should say, for which we kill. We are nothing without our image. Without our projection. Without the spiritual hologram of who we perceive ourselves to be or rather to become, in the future.
When you are lonely,
I will be lonely too.
And this is the fame."
My Lady, My Gaga!
O most gracious Lady,
I offer you my freedom,
beauty,
truth
and love.
dysfunctionally yours,
one Little Monster