02/27/13 - (She had asked for a secret in a business correspondence)

One time, I think I was about 6 or 7.. 
My middle sister, Judu, was about 1 or 2.. 

Anyway, it was her naptime

(My mom was away and my grandma was downstairs knitting by the baby monitor)

It was probably about 3 or 4 in the afternoon, 
Probably had just gotten out of school or something.
I had played all the things I wanted to play
And I was bored 
Or lonely (heh) 

So I snuck into her room, 
And peeked at her for a bit. 
She looked SO PRECIOUS. 

AND THEN 

I WOKE HER UP. 

So I could play with her! 

And I knew it the moment I did it, 
That I was being purely selfish. 
TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY SELFISH

I’m not sure if it was my feigned indignation towards bà nội,
That how could she not hear my baby sister stirring, 
Or that the little angel was just so cooperative,
So willing to play with me, 
Wiping the sleepy from her eyes 

I still feel terrible about it. 
More than a lot of other things I’ve done.
(And I’ve done quite a bit)

I guess it’s not a secret, as I’ve fessed up to it 
In a fit of shame and dismay
Multiple times
To my mom and to her
(and also anyone around when the memory reappears) 

Most people laugh and say that's not bad, it’s cute. 

HA. 

BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH
 :(